No dick pics, please.

The more I immerse myself in the world of Tinder and online dating – not necessarily out of pleasure but more out of necessity and somehow self-rationalized social pressure – the more I realize how drastically different men and women are. It is a wonder, after all, that we, or at least, other people out there, find each other and manage to spend time together, whether that may be a few months or a thousand years. If god indeed created humanity in his/her image, (s)he must either be a schizophrenic or a sadist.

And this one conversation shows how different women and men are!

This guy, whom we shall call John (I promise that is not his real name), was relatively new to Tinder and he was the type that believes Tinder is for people looking for sex but disguising it as dating. Although I am not on Tinder for such purpose, I can understand his point of view. If I myself had not been the product of over 20 years of Asian PLUS Catholic education, I, too, may also use it for such purpose. And as I am depending more and more on it, I frankly don’t think it’s such a bad idea. I’d rather have one night of great sex than one hour of awful boring date. Anyways, I digress.

John was not obnoxious or weird or offensive, and he ‘looked normal’ on his pictures, so curious, I decided to engage in the conversation. He clearly told me he was looking for FWB and I honestly told him that was not my primary objective, but that I could be convinced otherwise. He was quite open about sex – which, I think, is something we could all profit from, myself included, and which is possible without turning it into a weird and offensive conversation. John loved great sex – who DOESN’T – and he was a ‘giver’ (thank you!). I do think if I were pushed or slightly drunk, I really could have said ‘Great, let’s see what you have to give’. But (unfortunately?) I wasn’t, and I may have missed the chance of my life, who knows. I bantered a little, not in a suggestive way, because let’s face it, I’m still prudish IRL despite my obscene infatuation with good “That’s what she said” jokes.

And that’s when he kindly offered if I wanted another photo. To be fair, I’m glad he asked first instead of shoving it on my screen (pun intended). Let’s give him that. I genuinely thought he meant another photo of how good looking he was or I don’t know, a great pizza, because who doesn’t love pizza. Just anything but a dick pic. I jokingly said “Please don’t send me a dick pic” and he genuinely seemed disappointed. The fact that he didn’t send me any picture later kind of confirms this, I think. When I told him girls don’t really like dick pics, and I think I did speak for most women, it seemed this was indeed brand new information to him. Most women I know or that I’ve talked to are not turned on by a random dick pic, or, to use the scientifically right term, the photograph of a penis (correct me otherwise). Don’t get me wrong, penises do great and amazing things, yes, but objectively and frankly speaking, they are not the prettiest thing on earth. And it’s the same for women’s vaginas! Sure, there’s all this talk about how your vagina is beautiful and unique, and yes, I do think you should get to know your vagina as an important part of the human body, but let’s be real. I wouldn’t look at some random vagina and think ‘Oh yeah, that’s a great vagina’. Sure, boobs, I can see why they might be a turn on. But penises and vaginas are just… organs that are better felt and savored (muhahaha PG warning) than observed.

And yet, here we all are, despite our differences, desperately or lukewarmly searching for that one person that will make all dick pics irrelevant and obsolete…