Schizophrenia – Teenager vs. Adult

The Hunger Games trilogy depresses me so much, to the point that it’s gotten alarming.

I absolutely loved the first two books, “The Hunger Games” and “Catching Fire”, and then, utterly and abysmally disappointed and distressed by Mockingjay. “Catching Fire” had been especially captivating and simply… amazing, I couldn’t wait for “Mockingjay”. I was alas met with a world of such darkness and chaos that I couldn’t believe this was a YA book. After a whole day of inexplicable affliction, I was over it, and thought I was done with the whole drama. I didn’t bother watching the movie, although I wholly approved of the cast (although, true, Josh Hutcherson is not as tall as Jennifer Lawrence, but ever since I saw him on “Zathura” a long, long time ago, I’ve had a weak penchant for him, and how can you not love this face?)


But I’ve been so bored lately, I decided to watch the movie. I so shouldn’t have. I was fine before I watched the movie. On the one hand, it was all I had hoped for. It made me want to read the book again because I wanted to re-live the excitement and thrill, and obviously, there were some details that had to be overlooked to fit in the 2 hour and a half time limit. On the other hand though, I know I’m going to be so emotionally invested that I’m going to be depressed once again, so I kind of don’t want to.

The only explanation I can find for this state of mind is this:

As a teenager, I’ve always been a fan of star-crossed lovers with action skills, like Buffy and Angel. They used to keep me awake at night, my favorite time of the day, and I would re-live their moments in my head, foolishly grinning, until I fell asleep. I would search everything remotely connected to them, or the actors, on the internet, and spend hours staring, reading, saving.

And now, as an ‘adult’, I feel like I shouldn’t be this emotionally tormented over fictional characters or the actors that portray them. I know I shouldn’t. It somehow doesn’t seem right, productive enough, serious enough, which is what grown-ups should be doing.

I know I shouldn’t find myself smiling at the fan-made Youtube videos of Peeta and Katniss, or compilations of interviews by Josh Hutcherson and Jennifer Lawrence. I know I shouldn’t be screaming inside as Peeta and Katniss stare into each other’s eyes in the cave. I know my finger should stop scrolling down the Google images of Josh Hutcherson and I shouldn’t have a pang in my heart as I see Josh’s illuminating smile. I know I shouldn’t be typing “Peeta and Katniss” on my Google search, and then hopelessly grin at their images, fanpics, fanarts, etc. I know it shouldn’t be this hard to stop myself from saving all the pictures and posting them here. I shouldn’t be this anxious about waiting for the next movie to come out in November (I shouldn’t know this date).

I should be studying, reading articles on the latest developments in Egypt, making money translating, reading important and critical books, writing deep analyses on social and political issues, and all the serious stuff. I’m going to study for a PhD, for god’s sake…

So here I am, torn between the teenager and the adult in me, fully knowing that I shouldn’t even be torn in the first place. Argh! This is frustrating. I can be so immature with such trivial stuff sometimes. I feel like if I have a teenage daughter, I will be fighting with her over who gets ‘to have’ Peeta or whatever other solemn and good-looking guy we’ll have then to debate about.

And well, just because I can and I’m simple that way,


katniss-and-peeta-are-glowing-for-their-victory-tour-in-catching-fire-posterAren’t they just gorgeous… *sigh*




2 thoughts on “Schizophrenia – Teenager vs. Adult

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