Wow, Wow, Wow.
Let me first clarify a few things:
True, I didn’t get into the PhD program I wanted and applied in advance, and it’s just a one year Master program, but this is the first tiny, yet significant step towards a new start in a way, and also the firm and steady continuation of my life and career. It’s a new beginning, and those are always exciting. It is also true that one year flies by at the blink of an eye and I will be stressed out after a year (which, technically, is just 10 months), going through the same harrowing times about what to do next with my life. We all know the old song. But at least for today, I don’t want to think about those things. I want to concentrate on how great today is. I’m keeping up with my studies, I’m going to the U to the S to the A.
I’ve been dreaming of this day, and I had a perfect post to write when it finally did. But then, I have so many things I want to write and say that all my plans have been thwarted by my immense joy. It’s like my brain has suddenly been overwhelmed with happy thoughts and exciting, good, positive things to write about, and it just isn’t fast enough to adjust to this new feeling, what with all the negative energy and attitude I’ve been spreading around lately.
These are a few starting sentences I was thinking of:
“Elated – so, this is what it feels like.”
Erm… okay, I’ve forgotten the rest, but there were at least two or three more great ones. I ‘almost’ wrote them in advance, you know, just in case, and save them as drafts, since I know a thing or two about forgetting what you want to write in the first place. But I once saw Jimmy Kimmel say in his show that one of the saddest things for Oscar nominated actors must be that moment they go back home, take their jacket off, and throw away that thank-you note they had written in advance, just in case they win. And I didn’t want to be that.
And it’s nothing like I imagined it would be. My plan would have roughly gone like this:
- Check email
- Call my sister, scream about how exciting this is
- Call Mom (or even wait until Mom gets back home to tell her face to face)
- Call Dad
- Write a Tweet and update my FB status to something like ‘YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES’
- Calmly gather up the thoughts I’ve been so far treasuring in my feeble brain, sit down, go to my blog, create a new category “Graduate Life”, write a logical, well reasoned post (which certainly wasn’t going to start with ‘Wow Wow Wow’, so cliche, ach), end it with a large thank you speech similar to that of a Oscar winner
- Text my closest friends
- Be excited about finally leaving this house
But no, nothing went like that… You can’t prepare for disasters, and you certainly can’t prepare for excitement.
I certainly wasn’t expecting to just fumble and eventually drown in tears as I called my sister and Mom.
Updating my FB status was the last thing on my mind. Sit down? Calmly? What?
And most of all, I wasn’t as excited as leaving the house as I thought I would be. I don’t mean I’m sad about leaving, no, I can frankly say I’m not (yes, I’m cold-hearted that way), but there were way more things to be excited about than leaving Mom and Dad. Actually, I felt this sudden wave of gratitude towards them, for sticking by their so-lost eldest daughter, and for supporting me, in their own ways, always. I know, I’m so ingrate, I only see the good of people when I am also in a good place.
So, yes, here goes my Oscar winning speech.
I want to thank Mom and Dad. A thank you to all my close friends who have stuck by me, comforted and encouraged me with their kind words, and have endured the dark clouds I was bringing everywhere with me. Thank you especially for showing so much joy and excitement at the great news. I want to thank my professors, who took the time and effort to write me recommendation letters (especially one who had to write twice, in 2011 and in 2012).
And Gaeul, the one who always more than stuck by me and who never gave up on me. See you next month.
Thank you, U of Chicago, for giving me this opportunity.
I always thought that the best moments to write, the moment you are most inspired are when you are angry and frustrated, because words just pour out and there is no way stopping them. Clearly, it had been a long long time I had been happy, because I now realize that joy is an even greater inspiration.
And since my life revolves around Nikita, :p just like Michael said to Nikita, to you, U of Chicago, I tell you:
“It has been a long time since anything as good as you has happened in my life”
I hope that in my frustrated moments (because there will be) during that one year, I will always be able to come back to this post and remember how exciting this day was.
And yes, people, there IS hope after all. God DOES open a window after closing (many many many) doors.
PS: Is it too soon to make a new category? Is it?